Loving the Unlovable

One of the hardest things in life is to love people who are difficult and unloving. However, the Bible teaches us to love our enemies, as Jesus explained in the Gospels.

From Paul’s teachings, we gain a different perspective on why we struggle with feelings of hatred and what steps we can take to overcome them.

Paul writes in Romans 12:9 - The same verse when compared between  NIV New International Version)  and NASB ( New American Standard Bible)

[Romans 12:9 NIV] 9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

[Romans 12:9 NASB20] 9 Love [must be] free of hypocrisy. Detest what is evil; cling to what is good.

• Here the word Sincere (NIV) has been replaced by “free from hypocrisy” (NASB)

• What is hypocrisy? – We have something that’s presented real, but not real. It appears real but not real. It’s like a plastic potted flower, always looks fresh and real but never gives any smell as it’s fake.

• When is the Love filled with Hypocrisy? When we have a love that’s not real, it’s a reason for the rift to create enmity.

How Does Real Love manifest?

• God’s love for us is so profound that, unlike anyone else in the world, He gave His only Son as a sacrifice so that we might receive salvation through Him. [John 3:16 NIV] 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

• God’s love is not hypocritical, its sincere - he loved us when we were covered with sins, when we were disobedient, when we were disloyal. The Word says nothing can separate us from the love of Christ [Romans 8:39 NIV] 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Hypocritical Love manifest ?

• Root of this hypocrite love comes due of wickedness - [Matthew 24:12 NIV] 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,

• God hates this hypocrisy, the punishment for hypocrites is [Matthew 24:51 NIV] 51 He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

• Wickedness is the result of actions that originate from the evil thoughts of the heart, as stated in[Matthew 15:19 NIV] 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts--murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

• To fix this hypocritical love, is to fix your heart, this will remove the bitter hypocritical love, the love that's not sincere from your heart.

  • [1 Timothy 1:5 NIV] 5 The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

  • [Matthew 22:37 NIV] 37 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

• Once you start loving God- Goodness of God will overtake your hypocrisy to make you better to make the love for others as God loved us.

There are two sides to the Love that Paul outlines in

Positive effect of Love (Rom 12:9a)

[Romans 12:9a NIV] 9 “Love must be sincere….”

• Once you get this love that’s sincere, your love towards fellow humans will become a brotherly love. The love that God showed to you. There is no favouritism in that, you will show the love as you love yourself - [Romans 12:10 NIV] 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

• Once you have this love that’s sincere. This love will make your zeal for Lord go higher - it fires more flame to keep your spirit in spiritual fervour, giving the servant attitude, it’s the greatest spiritual blessing we can get from God. [Romans 12:11 NIV] 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.

• Once you have this love that’s sincere. This produces the patient attitude as your own self is gone. It’s now clothed by his love, which produces the fruit of Spirit of “patience / hope to trust in God” for him to overcome things. It increases prayer time with God [Romans 12:12 NIV] 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

• Once you have this love that’s sincere. It also gives the heart to share to others who are in need, the practice to be hospitable to others comes with the servant attitude [Romans 12:13 NIV] 13 Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Overcoming the Negative effect of Love (Rom 12:9b)

[Romans 12:9(b) NIV] 9  “…Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

The advice that Paul gives in Romans 12:14-21 is practical view of world around us. If we follow this we will “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

• The world’s way is to hate those who hate you, but as God’s children, we are called to do differently. Instead of hating, we should bless those who persecute us, as it says in [Romans 12:14 NIV] 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. By doing this, we leave no room for Satan to accuse us before God and open the door to more blessings for ourselves.

• One you have the Love that’s sincere, you don’t keep the grudge, instead be normal. many times, the self will come to fight this attitude back, surrender to Lord to break this attitude [Romans 12:15 NIV] 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

• When you keep hating evil, you help promote harmony with others without being judgmental of their actions. You show respect for their opinions, value others, and humbly put them above yourself. In doing so, God’s goodness guides your actions and helps you maintain your spiritual passion. Romans 12:16 NIV] 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

• When you keep hating evil, you avoid repaying evil for evil. Evil comes from Satan, not from God, because God is completely good and has no evil in Him. By choosing to do evil, you allow Satan to gain a foothold in your spiritual journey. This is why Paul warns us in [Romans 12:17 NIV] 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

• Sometimes, as a believer in Christ, people might try to take advantage of you because you avoid conflict and hate evil. That’s why Paul says in [Romans 12:18 NIV] 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

  • Paul’s words, “If it is possible,” show that while peace is important, there are times when you need to stand firm in your beliefs, even if it means not pleasing everyone. Christianity isn’t about accepting everything without question—sometimes you have to take a stand.

  • When Paul says, “as far as it depends on you,” he understands that some people find it easier to live peacefully than others. He recognizes that everyone faces different challenges when it comes to managing emotions and maintaining peace.

  • When we “cling to what is good “ the outcome will be of Romans 12:18

• When we “cling to what is good,” we resist the urge to take revenge on those who are insincere in their love. Instead, we leave the battle to God, trusting Him to fight for us. Often, our self and old nature get in the way of God’s plan, causing enemies to remain enemies for years. But when we surrender to God, He takes care of the battles on our behalf. [Romans 12:19 NIV] 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

• When we “cling to what is good,” we remain sincere even if others are not. This sincerity can confuse them and lead them away from their wicked actions. Keep doing good, because goodness will overcome evil. [Romans 12:20 NIV] 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

• When we “cling to what is good,” the goodness of God through us will overcome and absorb the evil that the enemy brings. - [Romans 12:21 NIV] 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Summary

Here are some practical guidelines to help you improve your relationship with those who oppose or hate you

1. Each person is precious to God. Christ died for every man and woman, good or bad. He is the same for everyone, so meditate on God’s love to change you first, he can transform from inside out [Matthew 5:45 NIV]  that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

2. Remember how patient God is with us? Despite our many failures and disappointments, He has never given up on us. God, who is rich in mercy, calls us to forgive others—not just a few times, but seventy times seven. Young Joseph forgave his brothers who betrayed him and left him in a dry pit. God values this kind of forgiveness to give his mercies to us [James 2:13 NIV]  because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

3. Pray for your enemies - Love grows in the soil of prayer. It always becomes easy to love or forgive someone who hates us when we start praying for that individual. Confess to God your inability to love the one who hates you and God will pour out His love into your heart to break this with the same love that saved you to salvation. [Matthew 5:44 NIV] But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

4. When we pray, God’s Spirit empowers us to do what we cannot on our own. His Spirit will help control our tongue against those who insult us and give us the strength to remain silent in the face of abuse. He will fill us with a quiet spirit, just as Jesus remained silent before His accusers. [Isaiah 53:7 NIV]  He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

5. Do not allow bitterness to take root in your heart, as it can corrupt both you and those around you. When you feel angry, turn to God and ask for His help to overcome it. Remember, unchecked anger can grow into bitterness, eventually leading to enmity toward others. Guard your heart and seek God’s strength to forgive and move forward. [Hebrews 12:15 NIV]  See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

6. Trust God to handle vengeance—don’t take that into your own hands, as it can only lead to your downfall (Matthew 26:52). Instead, look for opportunities to do good to those who have hurt you, because true victory is found in kindness (Romans 12:19-21). Remember, when you respond with goodness, God can bring peace even with your enemies. So, choose to act with grace and leave the rest to Him. [Proverbs 16:7 NIV] 7 When the LORD takes pleasure in anyone's way, he causes their enemies to make peace with them.