All of us want a good family, the definition of Good family depends on whom we ask. Some might say, the wealth they have from their family’s forefather make them good. Some might say good education, for some it might be good family bonding etc.. Out of all of this, a good family needs to have blessings of Love, peace , Joy and oneness which are critical for family’s blessings.
Bible teaches secrets of getting these blessings. Paul in his letter to Ephesus church outlined the “Instructions for Christian Living” that has the secrets of a Good family. The family definition of Paul limits to Husband and Wife here. As that’s the first family God created.
Secret #1 Reverence in Christ
Ephesians 5:21 'Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. '
What is this Reverence ? When you look for its definition, it is “a feeling of great respect”
When we come to Christ for prayer we have this reverence, while going to church we have this, when we meet high personalities we have this reverence.
How does this reverence come to us ? it comes out of respect for God that he is bigger and holds the supernatural power to do anything in our life..
Also reverence comes from our heart, as to honour and respect deeply so there is a outwardly demonstration of this.. Some of you may have seen some people worship by falling full prostrate. We read about this demonstration by Samson’s parents..Judges 13:20 (NIV) 'As the flame blazed up from the altar toward heaven, the angel of the Lord ascended in the flame. Seeing this, Manoah and his wife fell with their faces to the ground. '
God’s instruction here to Husband and Wife - “Submit to one another” - A Wife should submit to Husband, Similarly a Husband submit to Wife. The word “to one another” means its not one sides, it has to be done by both sides.
Why we should do this submission ? this to be done “out of reverence for Christ”
Unless we have that reverence in Christ, this submission to one another will not come.
Reverence in Christ comes only when we feel Christ is the head of the family and there is a godly fear in each of our hearts.
Actions to examine and correct
How is your reverence to Christ ? Are you showing reverence by keeping Christ in everything you do. Is Christ first in all you do ?
How do you practice that reverence ? When you come in front of God, How do you worship him, kneeling down or raising your hand up or worshiping folded hands ? or falling prostrate ? all are marks of reverence, more importantly how do you feel in your heart ? are you proud when you come to worship him ?
Is reverence for christ practiced by the entire family or only by few ?
Without this spirit of reverence ,there will not be any fruits of Spirit to lead a Good Family (Love , Peace, Joy)
Pray to God to seek reverence to him first, then ask God to give that same reverence attitude to be practiced with the partners (Husband vs Wife / Wife vs Husband)
How is this reverence practiced by your Children ? Do they follow with Father / Mother and extended family ? if they don’t follow teach them and coach them to revere in Christ.
Secret #2 Wife’s Submit to Husband
Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) 'Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. '
When you read this instruction, this is may sound as husband to be made a bossy person to wife. But that‘s not the intent in how it should be looked at. Very important qualifier that should be looked at the submission. Submission of wife to husband should be “as you do to the Lord” , this submission is not out of fear or any other attributes, it has to be purely based on out of reverence.
Paul did not stop at this instruction alone, he justifies why this submission should be done to husband, the answer to this is in next verse Ephesians 5:23 (NIV) 'For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. '
There are three reasons why a wife should submit to husband.
1st reason - Submission is out of Reverence in Christ thats why he ends Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) “….as you do to the Lord”
2nd reason - Submission because husband is the head of head of the wife “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ” , Early in the days when God created man and woman he established this as well (Genesis 2:20-23), submission is due to that reason.
How woman was created - Genesis 2:20-22 (NIV) '… But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. '
How she was named woman - Genesis 2:23 (NIV) 'The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” '
3rd reason - Submission is because - As Christ is the head of the church, we who are believers in Christ are his body, thru him we have the spirit of submission. If your are a sister who is married and is baptized and walking in Christian faith then you are called to submit to your husband.
1 Corinthians 11:3 (NIV) 'But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. '
Paul gives additional instruction's for wife's on what aspects to submit Ephesians 5:24 (NIV) 'Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. '
Many feel submission is more on dominance, its not male chauvinism
Submission should be to obey the instructions to have the blessings from God. No matter what your situation will be.
Some wives may ask should I submit in some and follow on my own in some ? the instruction is clear submit in everything “wives should submit to their husbands in everything.“ everything means all aspects of Life. Its to the likes and dislikes of your husband.
When you submit to husband areas which you are not comfortable, when you obey God’s instructions, God honours these actions and blesses to change your situation. Our God is full of Compassion, he understands ones inner / small sensitive feelings and regards what we do for him. Do not look at situations when you obey what God calls you to do.
Actions to examine and correct
If you are a wife, examine this to see if you are walking in Lord‘s instructions
Do I submit to my husband on every thing ? or selective ?
How do you treat your husband ? do you treat him like how you would be respect and revere Christ ?
Do you submit to your husband even when there are qualities that you don’t like ?
Is there grumbling and murmuring attitude in you when you submit ? Question to ask when you submit to God do you murmur and grumble to God every time ?
Secret #3 Husband to Love his wife
Ephesians 5:25-27 (NIV) 'Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. '
Instruction in the Bible is always right and makes one’s marriage perfect, reading the first two secrets would make one sided affair, but Paul writes a important instructions to husbands, which sums up a marriage as “Love” is the heart and soul of marriage and that too its given to husbands.
Very important instruction is “Husbands, love your wives”
Challenge is one would love his wife early days of marriage and the love starts to change over a period of time as we age..
Husband has to follow Christ’s love to the church (Later part of Verse 25 to 27 talks on that)
Christ gave himself out of Love - “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up”
Christ died for the sins of the world to make the people and the church holy, we get our holiness in us from Christ - “to make her holy”
Christ made us holy and pure thru the Baptism - “washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Christ gave his one and only Holy Spirit to guide us so that we are kept away from the sins of the world.
Christ gave his mercy and Grace to us even after we are sinners, a quick check to see how many times you have asked sorry and did the same mistake still he was tolerant with that behaviour out of the Love.
So husbands love has to emulate like Christ, One may say, I have a difficult wife to deal, she makes me angry, she makes me provocative, my love for her is taken away because of these actions. Yes, if you exert the Love from your fleshly (self) it will always look at the mistakes of your partner, but cloth the Christ’s Body and ask for his love to overpower your self, then the old self will be gone and Christly love will come to love in unlovable situations.
Christ’s love is not like our human love, When Paul instructs, husbands Love your wife, he asks husbands to emulate the Christly love. Christ love is Agape Love its defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. '
One may say, this love is not possible as its only for God, its a super natural thing not applicable for men like us.. Yes thats true we have our weakness as man, but if we ask God earnestly he is ready to bless us with the fruits of Spirit and remove our old self and bless with his fruit of spirit Galatians 5:22-23 'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. '
Notice the first fruit Galatians 5:22 its “Love” God is waiting to bless is his children with that same “Love” Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love…” , its the same Agape Love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) thats talked in Galatians 5:22, its for us to ask and receive that fruit. Do not complain its not possible to get, if you ask with faith, with eagerness and sincere heart he will shower this fruit of spirit of love, once that love comes we will love the unlovable situation and not show the unloving emotions of anger / rage / bitterness etc..
Husbands love to wife cannot be out of external qualities (beauty / more earning / only for submission / pleasures etc.. )
Husbands will inherit the Agape Love only when they have reverence in Christ and submit to Christ as the head of the family.
Actions to examine and correct
How is your reverence with Christ ? Is it only on Sundays or all Days ?
Is Christ Head of the Family ? do you just say this in prayer or do you believe this from your heart ?
How is the love for Family ? Is it like Christ ? A love out of sacrifice or out of compulsion ?
Is the Love like the early days of marriage or has it turned to bitter ? bitterness is from Satan, God is Love there is no bitterness in him (1 Corinthians 13:5-6 “..it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth”), he defines his love qualities in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) so examine to surrender to Lord if you are bitter with your wife.
The world we live, no one is perfect, A husband cannot be perfect, same way a wife cannot be perfect, its important to recognize our weaknesses and lay in front of God by surrendering on our knees to God and say make me perfect Lord, be the head of our house. When Christ is the head of the family, he will perfect the imperfect things of husband and wife. Its important that both kneel together and pray about this, this cannot be one partner doing this for other and vice versa.
Christ created man and woman as one in his image, if we want a good family and blessings from our Lord, get down to knees to make a simple prayer "Father, we humbly request that you be the head of our household. We willingly offer up all our worldly possessions and desires to your divine guidance, asking that you mold us into perfection, aligning us with your image. Clothe us with the characteristics of Christ and grant us the fruits of the Spirit, enabling our old selves to be transformed into the new, Christ-like beings we aspire to become. Forgive my sins and make me like your image”